September 2, 1945prev home next
Jesus then88 says to me:
“And that point which speaks about repossession by Satan refers to your cousin, too..89 The devil found the house swept clean and empty and returned with seven other spirits worse than the first one. For the time being the greatest spirit has not yet entered, the one who dominated him in his servants for so many years. And the closing sentences are also valid for him: ‘This second state of a converted person who gets perverted again...” and so on up to ‘Improvement and healing are no longer possible for him.’ It is painful. I know. But it is true. I have been speaking to you about this since November because his descent began when he drifted away from you. You say, ‘But all of you had even given me cause for hope...!’ Yes, to give you an hour of relief in the bitterness surrounding you, so much of which came from them. But you have always seen him as he is. Remember. Oh, there are so many like that...! Should you still pray? Always. For it is a duty to pray for sinners as long as they are on this earth. Afterwards....”
Jesus says no more. And I, with my heart swelling for so many reasons, weep.
I have been weeping since last night. Even before receiving these words. For I think that their selfishness and false affection and mean spirit have reached the limit and been disclosed completely, just as they have today. And because the presence of the guest I have in the house - a Mantuan, of the same profession, and greatly resembling my cousin in language, gestures, and actions - reminds me more vividly of the image of Giuseppe in better days, when he was my friend and relative, not an enemy lacking all mercy.... And since, in spite of their whole way of acting towards me, I still love them, my painful affection - swooning from the blows they have been unleashing constantly for the past two years, more and more forcefully - gets agitated, remembers, and suffers even more. And, in their measureless pride, they would not believe this. But they will not even find out - ever. It would be futile.
Believe me, this behavior of theirs, whose causes and material and spiritual details I am familiar with, is more painful than the sufferings now tormenting my hands as well and giving me no respite even in sleep. But, never mind, and let’s keep going. They managed to poison even the acts of kindness which could bring me some comfort with the inevitable comparison I make between relatives and those who are not my relatives.... And so be it....90
88 After the previous passage, written on September 2, 1945.
89 See note 45.
90 We pass over thirty-three handwritten pages (September 4-7, 1945) containing four episodes from The Second Year of the Public Life.